Laura

I co-conceived this project along with friends because there were many instances when I felt alone, when I didn’t know where I should look for information, felt behind every step of the way and thought any step forward must just have been my incredible amount of luck. I felt ashamed to not be where I was “supposed to be”, felt not “good enough” or “cut out” for the things I wanted. There were times when I felt that the homogeneity around me meant that being different was not welcomed and that I simply did not know enough or have the “authority” to voice any sort of views on issues of diversity. There were times when I felt isolated despite the people around me because I felt that I was the only one lost and felt generally helpless about where to start. All of these things paralyzed me with fear. However, when I confided in others, I realized that in closed spaces, a lot of students generally felt the same way.

I went back and forth on this project because I thought it was going to make people feel uncomfortable, or that it wasn’t going to live to “academic standards”. However, I came to the conclusion that being authentic takes courage, that being vulnerable allows genuine connection and that there’s no way to start without coming to terms with my own story. After all, aren’t we all just the result of a compilation of stories and experiences?

In the transition towards university, I took a lot of leaps that did not sit well with close individuals around me. It filled me with incredible shame which I carried for a very long time and did not set me up well to start. There were a lot of expectations from my background that I thought I didn’t meet, making me a “disappointment”. There were times when I felt pulled apart and conflicted, unsure about which sides of my identity I should side with. However, looking back, I couldn’t feel prouder of the incredible personal growth that I gained from these experiences and self-exploration that where defining points to the person I am today. At the time, I remember reading and re-reading in Spanish, Viktor Frankl’s book – Man’s Search for Meaning (El hombre en busca de sentido).

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way” – Viktor Frankl.

This was the quote that stood out to me the most because in a way it meant that I had the power to choose my own path (still seems relevant today). My path seemed a little windy because I generally loved to learn about different areas but eventually it landed on art and psychology. I was already fascinated by the human condition and each lecture only incremented my excitement as I explored how psychology permeated all areas of life and well-being and the complexity of systems. Equally, university drove the art side of me to explore new mediums for creativity and innovation. I learned that there were countless ways to spread a message that matters, even without an “art object”, and I could leverage my experiences of painting as a kid to start thinking outside the box. Learning about research seemed like a new challenge that resembled a vehicle or medium for a message and a method to evaluate interesting questions. Getting to see the intersections of social, psychological, cultural factors and mental and physical well-being was something I grew interested in. Discovering all of these are some of my fondest memories of my university experience.

Thinking now, there were many experiences that shaped my worldview. Coming from Colombia, as a child, I adapted and saw my family adapt to a new place, a new language and new environment. This was only a puzzle piece in a bigger story but nevertheless, a defining one. Over time, I realized that my background, the privileges I was born with and gained, as well as the intersectional spaces I belong to, go with me everywhere. I also realized that systems have stories too, and the history of disciplines and systems shape societies and individuals. When I connected with amazing individuals, went to conferences and got involved in projects and organizations is when I finally felt like I was making progress. These things also made me realize that there was a wide gap on resources on diversity. They seemed scarce if you weren’t searching deeply or in the right group and then again, I didn’t know where to start. This and the many times I felt like an outsider made me realize that for other students not as supported and privileged as myself, things were probably much, much tougher. Similarly, being a minority, I found I was oblivious to a lot of my own history despite traveling to my motherland multiple times, listening to my family’s stories, and consuming information on my birthplace. I noticed that being in a multicultural space also meant that there were still lots to learn about diversity and other underrepresented groups. I needed to learn the stories of my motherland, the stories of Canada and the stories of all the groups that we encounter in this diverse place. Thus, the learning journey has only just started.

A note on belongingness, it seemed like I never found myself fitting completely into any one group. I was conflicted even with my own bi-cultural identity because I couldn’t find myself fitting completely into one culture or the other; I am a hybrid. There was one song lyric by an Argentine revolutionary singer, Facundo Cabral, released in 1992, that seemed to encapsulate this feeling. This reminded me of the shared humanity of belonging to yourself. I know it’s old but what can I say, maybe I’m an old soul?

“No soy de aquí, ni soy de allá, No tengo edad, ni porvenir, Y ser feliz es mi color de identidad” – Facundo Cabral.

{“I’m netiher from here, nor from there. I have neither age nor future, and being happy is the color of my identity”}

If I were to give advice to my younger self (and my current self for that matter), I would say: shake off unrealistic expectations from others and yourself, and focus on your journey. Be okay with making mistakes (easier said than done). Stop blaming yourself for things that did not happen or are in the past. Be brave, be authentic, and be confident and proud of who you are. Little me would have probably never imagined that I would speak at a conference, get involved in research, work with health professionals and get to discover fascinating areas in health, psychology, art and research. Learn to confront things that scare you. Take those little moments of bravery to push things forward. Create friendships with individuals that build you up. Search and keeping searching for ways to get connected, and being “in the know” within your career. Be patient, things don’t happen overnight. Be kind and help others, why repeat the same situations that made your own journey difficult, if you see others struggling and can lend a helping hand, do so! Finally, continue getting to know your own story and the story of others!